A state senator, and graduate of the University of California, plans to introduce a bill to the state legislature that will attempt to abolish the Bowl Championship Series. — News item.

     We now take you to the floor of the state senate in the capitol building where a debate is in progress between Henry Twogood, a representative of the Bowl Championship Series, and State Sen. Lester Goldenbear.

      Sen. Goldenbear: Mr. Chairman, I submit to you today that this man and his BCS computer system, are ruining college football. The proof is right in front of us all. The University of California has been swindled out of berth in the Rose Bowl.

       Mr. Twogood: Now, just a minute Mr. Chairman, can the BCS be responsible for California not scoring 75 points against Southern Mississppi? A good SEC team would have scored that many in the first half. The University of Texas deserves to play in the Rose Bowl. After all, Bevo has never been in the Rose Parade.

        Sen. Goldenbear: You know very well, Mr. Twogoody, that if it hadn't been for Hurricane Ivan, Cal's game with Southern Miss. would have been played in September and nobody would have cared a computer chip then if the score was 29-16. Look what happened to UCLA a few years ago in Miami!

        Mr. Twogood: The BCS can't control Mother Nature, Mr. Chairman, although it is working on it. Besides, what's a little wind? We all know those West Coast boys are afraid of the snow. If we can get more of the Pac-10 teams' nonconference games postponed by a few storms until December, hell, we could have ourselves an all Big 12 Rose Bowl every year!

        Sen. Goldenbear: Mr. Chairman, The Tournament of Roses Committee doesn't want these Greenhorns, I mean Longhorns, running around Southern California for a week. It gives a whole new meaning to the Beef Bowl. Besides, the University of California lost only one game, too, to that University of SOUTHERN California, a game it should have won.

        Mr. Twogood: With all due respect, the University of Oklahoma, a fine example of what football is in the Big 12, will have no trouble in its game with the Pac-10 representative in the Orange Bowl. And speaking of the Pac-10, how can the BCS take that conference seriously when one of its schools hires a coach that was almost fired at Pittsburgh, and another brings in one that lasted only three years at Notre Dame. At least one should have hired Meyer Urban, er, Suburban Meyer...oh, whatever that fella's name is from Utah State.

        Mr. Goldenbear: That's Utah, Mr. Twogoody. And he's now making $14 million. Left Notre Dame standing on the runway in Salt Lake City while he flew off to Florida.

         Mr. Twogood: After what it did to Mr. Willingham, Notre Dame will be lucky to get a Pop Warner coach. Maybe the Irish should look to the high schools again. Or Norm Chow.

        Mr. Goldenbear: No, he's staying at Southern Cal, the team we should have beaten back in October. That was a terrible thing for Mr. Carroll, a fine Northern California lad, to do to us. Oh, well, he's going to have to face our Mr. Tedford, the best coach in the land, for five more years.

         Mr. Twogood: Mr. Chairman, the BCS isn't concerned with the West Coast feudal war between USC and California. That's been going on since Pappy Warburton and Dean Cromwell. It's nice that a Trojan quarterback won the Heisman Trophy, although it's getting kind of repetitious, but frankly, the BCS has bigger fish to fry. We've got a plan to overhaul the NFL's playoff system. With any luck, we'll have it ready to go by New Year’s. Happy holidays!