The brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit game first.

No. 2 OHIO STATE: Maurice Who? Defense better than ever.

No. 5 MICHIGAN: The usual cement mixer. Very, very tough.

IOWA: Defense had better come through.

PENN STATE: Jury is sequestered.

No., 16 PURDUE: It all rests on Kyle Orton, defense.

ILLINOIS: Illini outgained Mizzou 2-1 and still lost. Frustration battle.

NORTHWESTERN: Beating Kansas is nice...but Air Force is next.

MICHIGAN STATE: No more no-Smoker zone. Look good offensively.

MINNESOTA: Always dangerous, beat up a pretty good Tulsa team.

No. 18 WISCONSIN: Huge 'W' at West Virginia. Circle O.S.U. Oct. 11!

INDIANA: Uh-ohhhhh...

Well, glad you enjoyed, see you again next week in this space.

Just kidding. But Ohio State, to start out, sent the Big Ten and the whole U. S. of A. a message Saturday night, with its 28-9 thumping of Washington.

It was refreshing not to hear the ultimate anti-Buckeye, Brent MichiMusberger and to behold a REAL college football voice, Keith Jackson.

Where to start? Washington has an offense that will destroy plenty of folks starting with Uh-Oh-Indiana, coming off a 34-10 nadir at Connecticut, Saturday.

Ohio State, if you've been vacationing in Pago-Pago, has a major distraction with consensus All-America running back Maurice Clarett's off-field affairs.

Huskies quarterback Cody Pickett, picked on more than one pre-season All-American team, combines with Reggie Williams and several other talented receivers to give Washington a dangerous look.

But Saturday night in Columbus, in what few expected, U.W. was roadkill. Mark D'Antonio's Buckeyes defense, even without megatalents like Kenny Peterson and Matt Wilhelm, locked the Huskies in their doghouse and tossed the keys into the Olentangy River.

Will Smith, Darrion Scott, Simon Fraser and previously-unheralded Tim Anderson form one of the most hellacious front fours in the country and A.J. Hawk, Robert Reynalds and Fred Pagac are rangy, athletic linebackers. Defensively, the Bucks spread the wealth.

Cornerback Justin Fox's vertical leap —41 inches — came into play when he blocked a mid-range field goal attempt and Chris Gamble is Chris Gamble. The secondary played well against Pickett, who shucked the running game early.

Yep, Washington spent most of the night fishing for those doghouse keys, while Craig Krenzel flashed some serious Randall Cunningham/Michael Vick type athleticism to run for two touchdowns and throw for another.

Even at 21-0, some didn't feel 100 percent secure, but not to worry. "They closed us down cold," Washington coach Keith Gilbertson told the media afterward. "It was simply a case where they had answers for everything we threw at 'em."

In the end, the Buckeyes simply dominated both sides of the ball and this will be the case most of the year.

To be sure, there are some serious tests — the Sept. 13 matchup with feisty North Carolina State, even the Sept. 20 Bowling Green game. But they're all inside the Happy Horseshoe and it isn't until Oct. 11 at mad, mad Madison, Wis. that the Bucks get their most severe early-season test.

The visit to Happy Valley Nov. 1 will be a major major, and always-challenging Purdue figures to be another. But it says here, Nov. 22 in Ann Arbor will determine the Big Ten winner. Both O.S.U. and Michigan should be unbeaten in the league (and maybe overall) then.

And eBay will be busier than O'Hare air traffic control, that week, as tickets, funded through offshore bank accounts, switch hands.

Michigan looked powerful offensively in its 45-7 victory over in-state rival Central Michigan. But like the Bucks, U-M has its own distraction to deal with. Seems superstar cornerback Marlin Jackson allegedly punched out a student and got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct by the legal system. They appear to have settled up, but he did not play Saturday.

The Wolverines did allow 214 rushing yards to their Mid-American Conference foe, though, and this ticked off defensive end Larry Stevens. "That's ridiculous. We have a lot of work to do," he fumed.

But Chris Perry's 232-yard output assuaged the pain as did an efficient performance by quarterback John Navarre.

The Wolverines get two key early tests — vs. Notre Dame, in Ann Arbor, September 13 and at Oregon a week later. No Penn State or Wisconsin on the schedule helps. They look their usual industrial-strength tough.

Iowa struggled to come from behind and win at Miami, Ohio last year, but shut down Redhawks quarterback Ben Rothlisberger after an opening 77-yard drive the led to Miami's only points. Of the 21-3 win, coach Kirk Ferentz said, "It's a team thing and it all pulled together today."

A coachly cliche, yes, but indeed, the Hawkeyes' defense and offense executed flawlessly and firmly established Iowa as another solid team this year.

Elsewhere | In Michigan State's 26-21 win over a very good Western Michigan team from the M.A.C., quarterback Jeff Smoker, back in good gracesm after being suspended last year for substance abuse, threw for 324 yards and two touchdowns ... Wisconsin's QB Jim Sorgi, who will spend most of the season evading the ghost of standout Brooks Bollinger (now with the New York Jets), went 20-34 for 215 yards and a late game-tying 20-yard touchdown to Lee Evans, who missed much of last season, prompting this comment from West Virginia linebacker Grant Wiley to John Raby of the Associated Press: "He's no Bollinger or Vick, but he can move." ... So can the Badgers, who could climb big time in the polls this year.

Elsewhere, Part 2 | Leave it to Northwestern coach Randy Walker to come up with this in Sunday's day-after media gabfest following the Wildcats' 30-20 win at Kansas. "We won! (pauses for effect). Good! (another pause and semi-satisfied smirk) We're Chuckie the Clown! I told the guys, 'Let's not get too carried away with that, OK?'" Good reasoning, coach. Seeing as Saturday's home opener is against Air Force, which ran the 'Cats out of Colorado Springs last year 52-3.... Meanwhile, in Storrs, Conn., the Indiana Hoosiers hit bottom, taking a 34-10 hit from the Connecticut Huskies. Which is bad enough, since UConn is just now getting its I-A identity established. But then there is this to consider: I.U. visits another set of Huskies — Washington! Roadkill might be too kind a word. Oh well, the Hoosiers DO get to play Indiana State from the I-AA Gateway Conference, Sept. 13. It might be their only 2003 victory.