Right there with "Walk Off Homer," "Red Zone Offense," "(hockey) power forward," yadayadayada.

Well, in the Big Ten, scouts honor, it seems almost like every Saturday is separated from any sane interpretation of who contends and who pretends.

Wisconsin, freshly removed from the Top 25 goes into Evanston's half-full Ryan Field (like Indiana University's, Northwestern's crowd-counters have wicked imaginations) and proceeds to somehow lose a game in which it blocks an extra point, a short field goal attempt and brutalizes N.U. quarterback Brett Basanez.

While fully 70% of an estimated 25,000 (listed at over 36) were wearing the Cherry Red and white of the visitors, somehow the Wildcats took the hits and survived the slugfest, 16-7, rocking the establishment and manifesting the "Any Given Saturday" imagery the league has built.

In winning its first game at home following three defeats, Northwestern (4-4 overall, 2-2 Big Ten) simply outwilled the Badgers. "It's like the goat curse," coach Randy Walker told Brian Hanley of the Chicago Sun-Times, recalling the infamous hex some attribute to the Cubs' post-season baseball failures. "You know it doesn't mean anything, but it does because you're thinking about it."

Despite the loud discouragements of the visiting horde, the Wildcats rallied for a late first-half field goal and added a third-quarter T.D. to knock the Badgers (6-3, 3-2 out of the B.C.S. bowl picture).

N.U. will get another chance to test itself in a hostile atmosphere when it visits No. 18 Purdue (6-2, 3-1), which is coming off a 31-3 drubbing at Michigan, while Wisconsin will try to catch its collective breaths.

Home Sweet Away From Home

Another team, No. 8 Ohio State (7-1, 3-1), found home on the road a much more inviting setting as the Buckeyes took on an emotionally-parched Indiana team in Bloomington.

Playing before over 51,000 in Memorial Stadium -- I.U.'s first home sellout since 1999 vs. Guess Who, the Bucks rode the emotional wave of some two-thirds of the crowd, which simply created a total home-game atmosphere.

"We knew that coming in -- it was kind of..." Gerry DiNardo, I.U.'s second-year coach told the Hoosier Times. He couldn't quite come up with an adjective, but here's one...

Scary.

Through the stadium, the constant classic Ohio Stadium chant rolled. "Ohhhh .... Aitch ... Eye ... Ohhhh!!!" All day, all the way.

"It's truly great to play in an atmosphere where a big part of the crowd is rooting for you," coach Jim Tressel told The Associated Press.

The friendly atmosphere aided and abetted the Buckeyes' attempts to find an offense that had been ranking in the bottom 10 of the 117-team Division I-A. Working against an understaffed, but game Indiana defense, the Bucks rolled up over 600 total yards.

And in the process, the eminently-quotable DiNardo, a tremendous guy who was a big part of Notre Dame's 1973 championship team, came up with what has to be finalist material for quote of the year indescribing the veteran Buckeyes offensive line...

"When their second offensive line came in, at least they looked like homo sapiens. That first group, my God, they were big."

Five guys who flat-bench over 480 pounds, four weighing

over 300, the other just over 280. For much of the day, I.U.'s d-line looked like a modern-day VW beetle trapped among an I-65 convoy of 18-wheelers.

O.S.U.'s nationally top-ranked run defense continued to pad its stats, holding the Hoosiers to a league-record low minus-12 yards rushing, sacking sophomore quarterback Matt LoVecchio, a Notre Dame transfer, six times and knocking him out with a concussion.

"Our guys have a commitment, no matter who we're playing, to do the best we can do against the run," Tressel said to Big Ten beat writer Herb Gould of the Sun-Times during the weekly conference call. "We're fortunate that we have veterans up front and they have seen all the schemes."

The Bucks will try to scheme their way past a struggling Penn State team (2-6, 0-4) in Unhappy Valley Saturday in the league's feature game (ABC-TV, 2:30 Chicago time, 3:30 Eastern). Indiana visits No. 24 Minnesota (7-2, 3-2).

Had the Nittany Lions witnessed the kind of special teams play Iowa had displayed against Ohio State in the Big Horseshoe, they might have earned the same kudos Northwestern did. But Iowa's bomb squadders were special indeed against the Nitts and the No. 13 Hawkeyes (6-2, 2-2) were 26-14 victors because of a blocked punt and two long returns.

The Lions are off to the team's worst start since 1931 and coach Joe Paterno, 76, who denies the existence of any circling vultures and a growing media and fan chorus. He turns philosopher when the 'R' word (retirement) surfaces.

"I don't know what else I'd rather do," Paterno told the Gould during the teleconference. "If, all of a sudden, there was something else and I felt, 'Hey, I could wake up in the morning and feel excited about it,' I might think about getting out of it."

In Glen Mason's rookie coaching season, the Minnesota coach was asked what he thought about playing Penn State, then a top five team.

"Someone had stopped him on a street corner and said, 'I don't envy you going to play Penn State,' " Paterno told Gould. "And Glen said to him, 'What would you rather have me do, stay home Saturday like you're going to do and cut the grass?'

Joe Pa may be approaching octogenarian status, but his imagination is as lively as ever. While the Lions are battling Ohio State, Iowa gets an unscheduled week off. Hosting godawful Illinois (1-8, 0-5).

No. 11 Michigan (7-2, 4-1), meanwhile, has regained much of its lost status from the special teams meltdown at Iowa and genuine collapse at Oregon. It's Michigan State week, after a powerfully convincing home rout of Purdue where the Wolverines' defense imploded coach Joe Tiller's explosive offense.

But facing its ancient cross-state rival is another matter. The No. 9 Spartans (7-1, 4-0) have found their way into the Top 10 for the first time in nearly a decade, and but for a last-seconds loss to huge underdog Lousiana Tech, might be a major player for the national championship.

And the Spartans will have the benefit of two weeks' preparation for their archrivals.

"This is pretty big for the state," first-year M.S.U. coach John L. Smith told the Sun-Times. "The dislike for one another (is) pretty good. Your neighbor is a Michigan guy and you're a Michigan State guy and you want to put your flags up and call each other rotten names all week. You gotta love it, don't you?"

Smith and his team of quarterback Jeff Smoker and His No-Name Offense certainly does.

The fact the Spartans got the off week before the U-M game, of course, doesn't please Wolverines coach Lloyd Carr. "It's kind of an interesting situation with Big Ten scheduling," he said, injecting a measure of Carrspeak. "Matter of fact it's very interesting. It's kind of like having a fox in the hen house."

Be sure the Wolverines, still with a clear shot at the league title, will have little trouble answering the 1 p.m. (eastern) bell for this one.