This is religion class.

And we all know football is a major player in the Big Ten religious culture, right?

I can't hearrrrr you...

OK, then.

The subject today is the infamous argument from St. Augustine, whose ancestors run a major Catholic university called Villanova. It only plays I-AA football, but that's another story for another day.

The issue at hand — officiating. The short-cuts to football heaven. And in the end, the elect (those who seem to curry favor from the striped wonders) and the nonelect (those who don't).

Without further adue...

The Elect | Iowa, Michigan. See Tony Pape's latest block from behind. Watch any Michigan wideout do a Michael Irvin push-off to "beat" a defensive back. Proof positive? Show me any U-M guys having big time N.F.L. careers on the offensive line! Proof positive II: Last year's officiating crew, in the controversy-filled U-M 27-24 home field victory over Penn State...seven men...four from the Wolverine state, two from within 15 minutes of Ann Arbor.

Iowa's credentials were cemented with its overtime win at Penn State in which five debatable calls from Dick Honig's crew all went the Hawkeyes' way. And, like Michigan, the Hawks' o-line seems to have mastered the art form of blocking-from-behind.

Purgatory | Wisconsin, Ohio State, Indiana, Minnesota, Michigan State, Northwestern. Win a few, lose a few.

Non-Elect | Purdue, Illinois, Penn State. The Lions and Boilermakers are the most cursed of the three. Purdue out-and-out had a game stolen from it last year at home against Wake Forest. Most of that crew vanished. But coach Joe Tiller's gang has been victimized often, racking up major penalty totals -- some deserved, but some clearly not. Penn State's woes need no further intro here. The big 3 Saturday vs. Ohio State was simply the latest debacle. Illinois? Well, not so much this year, but the Illini have been el stinko and haven't been close enough to gain consideration. However, two years ago, two horrendous calls cost the Illini an unbeaten regular season. Guess who the opponent was? Clue: striped helmets, rhymes with fish again.

Questions? Didn't think so. Class dismissed.